Play Instead
Oh boy can I make things difficult for myself or what?!
Having managed to Put Paint to Paper I very quickly took off in another unhelpful direction. I have this ability (disability actually) to turn almost anything into a “have to, must do, should do”. This means that instead of enjoying things I create a whole story around them which means I can’t just enjoy the process any more because it’s turned into a chore.
In Montenegro I saw these amazing paintings which I’ve kept thinking about. I’ve decided it’s because I’m meant to paint like that, big canvases with the human form and especially amazing hair. As the story in my mind built I realized I would need to learn how to paint the human body so got myself a book to learn how to do so.
Following on from that I thought that I had better start doing some small paintings (as I only have small space and small paper at the moment) and begin the learning process to get me from where I am to where I want to be.
So off I went trying to paint nudes and hair. I told myself I would HAVE to go to life-drawing classes when I get back, and get painting lessons and and and; on and on I went building a whole programme I would need to follow so I can end up painting like the ones I saw.
THEN, I woke early one morning and found myself remembering my art classes at school and the abstract I painted for my O’grade. Abstracts, ah ha! When I first got the message to paint all I saw were abstracts so that is what I painted. Somewhere along the line I decided that wasn’t “right” and so began an uncomfortable relationship between me and my painting.
I listened and believed my Inner Critic as it told me I “should” be able to paint representational paintings, that I couldn’t, my efforts were pathetic and hopeless and therefore I was useless and wasting my time.
So when I got out my paints a few days ago I chose watercolour as this involved less phaff on a small boat and secondly I listened to the whisper within that said PLAY, PLAY; PLAY with the paint.
I was reacquainted with that place of creative flowing where time stands still and the mind softens and quietens, where I allow something to emerge on the paper rather than plan or prepare anything. It’s like Anna’s novel characters who “quite literally wrote themselves”.
MairiStones
This is beautiful Marie, thank you. Why do we give ourselves such a hard time? It makes us grumpy and turns us into someone we don’t like or even want to be with. Aaaaargh! Can’t help wondering if paper restricts us and gives us boundaries, can we use other elements which we have heaps of..the water from the sea..sand..dust on the sail..can we use the wind to apply colour/shape instead of a brush? ooooo, I’m gardening today..must make some shapes in the soil…or what about representing what is seen in sounds, with the voice or with implements around..the boat does…ours has an amazing aeolian harp at times..
Where did all that come from…thank you for the inspiration! Please keep writing!!
Inspired and beautiful, I love the idea of allowing it all to be inspiration and expression, whatever, whenever, however.
When a fine artist creates a new painting, drawing or other work, it is their interpretation that sets their work apart from everyone else; it is not necessarily the accuracy of their representation.
With that in mind, as long as you express yourself in the way you wish to and let your ideas emerge, surely you should be happy that anyone seeing your work can see how you have chosen to express yourself.
The dissatisfaction arises when your ‘art’ falls short of your own personal expectations (and those of your IC). So maybe you need to lower your expectations to find greater ‘happiness’ – didn’t Seneca say something about that!?
My mother is an artist and always taught us to draw by observing relationships between line and form; that way proportions can be optimised. It is your choice of which lines and forms to put down that can help you interpret your subject. She also always told us that you can never practise your art too much so, do not be disheartened, every work you create takes you a step closer to your own satisfaction.
Love
Anna xx
Ah Anna, you’ve got me sussed!
I do have far too high expectations of myself, and not just around art and creativity. It is one of my challenges in life, as well as far too many mad ideas in my head about what is ok and what is not. The treatment I am having with the Optimum health Clinic in London is helping me address all this, and I’m beginning to feel the benefit, health and wellbeing=wise. I suppose I share my struggle and hopefully also breakthroughs in the hope that it may resonate and bring hope to others. if I can get passed all this chatter in my head then anyone can! Love X