My feeling positve and inspired faded this morning; I have just surface from a big sob.
The last few days have been restful and peaceful, or so I thought. It’s been raining so I’ve been doing lots of reading, relaxation,meditations and a little yoga too.
The only niggle has been my digestion. A few days ago I went out for lunch and ordered tuna salad which I thought would be safe….not so it came smothered in mayonnaise ( I’m intolerant of eggs). Rather than make a fuss and feeling like it was my fault as I hadn’t checked I decided just to eat it anyway, surely a little would be ok. I also helped myself to some of the taziki that the kids were eating; dairy! It was good though, I’d forgotten how lovely real Greek taziki is. I reasoned that since I was enjoying it and relaxed I’d be ok.
Seems I was wrong and I’ve been bloated, in pain and discomfort quite a lot ever since. Couple this with eating my tea late and I think that is what has kept me awake at night.
So, three lack of sleep days later I woke this morning with a lot of pain in my back and shooting down my legs. I managed to hook my pants and shoes on walk, rather stiffly, off for a hot shower. The bloody thing was cold…….tension rising now.
Back at Rowan I decided to do something positive and did several rounds of EFT on the pain which did shift, but only to concentrate it in my buttocks and legs. I just couldn’t get comfy in any postion. After trying some gentle movement and stretches to music it all got the better of me, hence the sob.
It’s so hard being invisibly ill. I’m sure I look pretty normal, maybe a little tired but essentially ok, but I often don’t feel it. I don’t know from one day to the next how I will feel, how much pain I will be in, will my arms work properly, will I get exhausted and have to go to bed, will my eyes go all funny and out of focus, how sensitive will I be to sounds and light.
My fear is that I will end up bed ridden again, I’ve had a taste of that and it was enough thank you.
Sometimes like this morning when it’s such a struggle to just get up and get going that fear surfaces, so I let it come and flow today. I’ve cried out how unfair it feels, why me?, how long will this go on?, what am I doing wrong?, no-one understands?
Guess what I feel better, my pain has eased.
No-one is ever going to convince me that our emotions and psychological well-being don’t directly affect our physical state. In fact I am gradually becoming more and more sure that the route of most dis-ease in our bodies can be direclty attributed to what is going on in our psychology. That does not mean that there aren’t real physical things to attend to at times, there are, but that true health and wellness require us to address both.
So I’m off to begin again, luckily we can do that. For me it’s Kirtan chanting, meditation and then I plan to have a lovely gluten free muesli with rice dream and stewed peaches. Yum!