“Should I add some green stuff, have I got enough protein?”
“Oh God it gives everything that funny taste?”
“You need lots of protein though?”
“Yes but it tastes better with avocado or banana anyway and I’ve got strawberries today”
” Do I put too much in these shakes, maybe less would suite my digestion better, oh……”
The daily dilemma of breakfast.
AND it’s all wrong. I SHOULD be stopping all this debating in my head, criticising and judging myself, wondering what’s right and wrong. These are the very thoughts which fuel my condition CFS/ME. I’m supposed to be in a calm state allowing my body to repair and heal.
Honestly I have the capacity worry away about almost anything, it’s such a pain. It floats free attaching itself willy nilly to whatever is at the forefront, breakfast, parenting, getting home, you name it I can worry and stress about it.
What a waste of time and effort!
AND this is me much recovered, can’t you tell, before I didn’t even know I was worrying.
I’m boring myself now though, droning on about all these things.
Drag, drag, drag, can you hear me hauling myself over to the gratitude hot spot. Honestly sometimes I get fed up trying to get better, maybe it’s easier to accept a sort of okish life, maybe this aiming for optimum health and wellbeing is unrealistic and far too difficult.
I don’t always want to feel “good” about things, sometimes I want to wallow in self-pity feel sorry for myself, hear you all cry, “POOR YOU, HOW DO YOU DO IT?”
Actually none of and all of this is true. From one moment to the next things change. Earlier today I had a truly delightful chant with myself, singing along for all I as worth, headphones up high not a care in the world. Then I remembered the film I watched last night and I wept for loneliness and lack.
I commented on some blogs and thought, “hey I have something to say here” while simultaneously wondering if I was saying the “right” thing.
Is it any wonder I burnt out?
So now I’m in the “light” what am I grateful for today, so far:
So I trundle on, teens are up stuffing themselves with a chocolate spread bread/rice cake combo.