Honouring Our Elders
Since hearing about a dear neighbour’s death, I’ve felt very sad and upset, I don’t know if I can express why but I’m willing to give it a go as in his passing we loose much more than the amazing person he was.
He was a fine man; kind, passionate, hard-working, incredibly knowledgable, patient, and fun-loving among a host of other qualities and his passing will I’m sure touch many lives around the world.
He tirelessly worked away on projects and plans and I never heard him complain about the illness he suffered. He dug ditches, cleaned out hen houses and chopped logs despite failing health. He did not give up or in.
What I really want to share is how this man touched my life, for his death represents a huge loss, not only to all those who loved him, but for us all, you me, everyone, for he represented the best of what our elders are.
My children and I took him a crippled bird, insect larvae we found in the stream, leaves from plants we didn’t know, and he knew. I felt like he knew everything there was to know about plants and trees and animals and insects.
He planted acorns in his garden so new tress could be planted where the Big Oak blew down in the storm, and we were going to replant them together. I don’t know now if they were planted I hope so, and if not maybe I can when I get home, but he’s not here now to tell me what to do and how to take care of them.
He’s not here to take care of many things and we will all miss that.
My grief feels out of proportion but I see it’s coupled with the loss of my father, and of all the elders.
Our western globalised consumer society values youth and celebrity. It thrives on the “next, latest thing”, and throws aside wisdom and hard-won experience in favour of the latest thrill.
We no longer revere our elders and honour them for what they have to bring to our communities, the knowledge they have to share with us, and this is an enormous loss.
Peter understood about the damage being done, the importance of the trees and bees, the need for change. We had many wonderful conversations standing in his chicken pen, or sitting by his fire with tea and cake, homemade, by Jessie his lovely wife of 60 plus years.
I felt safe around him, here was someone I could go to when I didn’t know or understand something about how to garden and grow stuff. Here was the man who turned up at the neighbors Christmas party with guitar in hand and had us all singing along. Here is a man who understood how to live lightly in the earth, how to care, to share and to be part of a community.
I know I do not do him justice and fear my inadequacy may upset, but I feel so deeply; he represents a greater loss, one which is going on every day, every time an elder passes and we have not listened, have not learned, have not honored that life time served and spent.
I can’t go back and fill in all the times I was “too tired” to go and seek advice, too busy to make that call, too distracted or numbed out to be bothered, and I feel sore about that. I grieve for all that is lost and gone not only from my life but from all of our lives.
I pray that I will learn from this, that we will all now listen to our elders, to pay attention to what they know, learn what they have to teach us.
Everything that is new is not always better and everything old was not always better but if we can take the time to look for the best of both we might build a better world, one where people like Peter can be proud of us and what we do and what we leave for our future generations.
MairiStones
My 91 aunt passed on recently and we all feel it as a great loss, in every way as she was an amazing lady. We found this poem when clearing her house and read it at her memorial as it was so true of her.( You may recognise it ).
Take time to think
It is the source of power
Take time to play
It is the secret of eternal youth
Take time to pray
It is the greatest power on earth
Take time to love and be loved
It is a god given privilege
Take time to be friendly
It is the road to happiness
Take time to lugh
It is the music of the soul
Take time to give
It is too short a day to be selfish
Take time to work
It is the price of success.
Thanks Bernelle, what a beautiful poem, I haven’t come across it before. Sorry to hear about your aunt, so sad when we loose these amazing people, but also lucky we have had them in our lives. XX
This is so beautifully and sensitively written – thank you for sharing. I feel I was there with you, chatting about plants, trees, the little bird you saw this morning that you didn’t recognise.
I lost an Octogenarian friend this year; her name was Peggy. She too could grow anything by sticking it in a pot and watering it! She had robins that used to go inside her house to feed. She knew every wild flower, gave me such heartfelt wisdom, taught me not to sweat the small stuff, we’d put the world right, talk about girls going to secondary school with short skirts LOL!… Our Elders have SO much wisdom, humour and love to share yet we bundle them away feeling them to be a nuisance to society.
Like you, I was often ‘too busy’ to pop in for a cup of tea and a chat, now I visit her grave and feel a mixture of emotions – from gratitude to guilt.
Gentle (((HUGS))) to you; know that you have made such a difference to Peter and Jessie’s life – by respecting, honouring and sharing …
Thanks for your beautiful kind words. We don’t choose who we love and connect to and are so much the richer for having done so. This “too busy” is one of things I am addressing because at the end of the day I believe it’s the relationships with people that matter. I agree about the “bundling them away”.
XX
Latterly my Gran lived in a home and when I used to visit with my twins when they were little they were like a magnet for all these oldies left sitting in corridors, it makes my heart ache to remember that, it’s all wrong.
Don’t have answers , just lots of questions about IT ALL
Mairi, so sorry to hear about Peter’s death. Thank you for your inspiring words and thoughts. I’d say you listened well and will know just what to do with those young oak saplings when and if you come across them. I’d say you’re well on the way to becoming one of those wise “elders” yourself. Look forward to having you back here among us.
Scary thought Margaret, us moving towards becoming the elders, sometimes I don’t feel at all grown up enough!!! I’m looking forward to getting back too. XX
I too was touched by your writing Mairi. It is helpful to be reminded to cherish the time that we have with our elders and not to take their presence for granted. I had a wonderful experience with three crones this week that echoes some of what you have written: http://ritesforgirls.com/maiden-mother-crone/ It’s where we’re heading!
yes, it’s where we’re off to, and I don’t feel at all up to the jib at the moment. Thanks X